Mark McGwire's ex-wife claim his penis is only two inches

Mark McGwire has been in the news lately. First his brother claimed in a book, that Mark took steroids giving to him by his brother. Now Mark’s ex-wife has news that will shock the baseball world.

McGwire, known for his giant biceps and mammoth homeruns has another fact known by very few. His penis is two inches, or so his wife claims.

“The first time I saw it, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Of course it was cold that night so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But as time went on, I knew I had married a man with a very, very small penis,” stated McGwire’s ex-wife. I truly believe that is why he worked out. He was so embarrassed by his small member that having huge muscles helped take his mind of the fact his penis was so small.”

A phone call to McGwire went unanswered. However, fellow teammate Dave Henderson said he can’t verify if this is true or not but has a story that may shed light on the claim. “Mark would never shower with us,” said Henderson today. “He would always claim he had other things to do. One day it would be this and another day that. I knew something was odd about this. He was only player on the team who wouldn’t shower. After hearing his wife’s claim I can see why. Maybe he does have a really small penis. If my penis was that small, I’d skip showers too.”

McGwire’s ex-wife said her book should be out soon. This may be enough proof to show that McGwire did take steroid since they have been known to shrink that “certain part of the male body”.

Holyfield makes yet another comeback!

Evander Holyfield has once again, vowed to make a comeback. Even though he has lost his last few fights, Holyfield is very determined to win a title. He has recently set-up bouts against the Youth Boxing League of Georgia. Here he will face teens between the ages of 15-16.

“I am almost certain this comeback won’t fail,” said Holyfield today. “Most of these kids weigh around 140 or 150. I am 235. They look like weaklings to me.”

Justin Jones, age 15, who weighs 141, seemed scared. “I can’t believe they are letting Holyfield compete against us. He was a former heavy weight champion. He outweighs me by nearly 100 pounds. Sure I am 37 and 2 as a fighter, but that is against youth my own age.”

Since hearing the news of Holyfield’s comeback, 27 out of the 52 fighters have quit the Georgia Youth Boxing League. Linda Myers, mother of a boxer said she made her son quit. “When I heard the news I made Jimmy quit. My son is above average against kids his own age, less trying to take on a former champion of the pros. I would like to see my son graduate high school at least.”

After hearing the press release today, a rumor is now going around that has been boxer, Mike Tyson, may also make a comeback. Sporting News and Stories will update you once this rumor is confirmed.

White Half-Back to finally play on the College in Level in nearly 20 years

Iowa Tech is doing something no major college has done in nearly 20 years; they will be starting a white half-back next season. White half-backs are something rare and in most cases, ancient history.

“It’s gonna be ground breaking,” said Dusty Coffman, Iowa Tech’s head coach. “I can’t remember the last time I watched a NCAA or NFL game and saw a white man at the half-back position. I believe the last time I saw a white starting at half-back was John Riggins back in the early 1980s and look at how great he was. We are hoping we can have the same success.”

Tyler Davis, a junior, is proud to be the first white half-back in nearly 20 years. “They say we can’t play basketball. Tell that to two-time MVP Steve Nash. And oh yeah, the heavy weight champion of boxing is some Russian dude. People can say what they want about me. I run a 4.46 and can bench 315. I am here to prove all the critics wrong that a white man can play half-back on the college level in the year 2009.”

The staff here at Sporting News and Stories asked around to see what college level coaches thought about a white man playing half-back. The feedback was not in the favor of Davis.

Penn State head coach Joe Paterno laughed when hearing a white would start at half-back. “That’s a good one. I’ve been coaching for nearly 50 years. A white running back? Maybe a full-back or something. I could see a walk on being white but a starter? Man that team must suck in football to even consider starting a white half-back.”

NFL great and hall of fame half-back Barry Sanders cried in laughter when hearing the news. “Aren’t white guys normally the QBs or offensive line? I played three years of college ball and spent 10 years in the NFL. I never once saw a white boy play half-back. I think this program just wants the attention of being dumb enough to start a white at half-back.”

Iowa Tech finished last season 1-11 and have only won 4 games the past three seasons. “I won’t lie. I will try anything to help this program get better,” stated Coffman. “I am just sick of losing. If it means being the laughing stock of the NCAA so be it. If we can just win games I will gladly take being the punch-line of jokes.”

Charles Barkely speaks out about his recent DUI arrest

Barkley claims his arrest was a total set-up. It seems the cops were racist and simply out to get him.

“Man, those knuckle heads pulled me over cause I was black,” said a ticked of Barkley. “Sure I ran three stop signs, was doing 64 in a 25 and missed two red lights, but they only pulled me over because I was black. Case closed.”

Jesse Jackson said he plans to speak to Barkley about the facts and if necessary, lead a protest. “It sickens me in the year 2009 we still face racism. First the cops framed OJ Simpson. Then they framed Michael Vick. Now Charles Barkley. Who’s next? Lebron James? We already see them trying to rail road Barry Bonds. The black community cannot and will not, let white racists scare our black athletes. If we must, we will march and make our voices heard.”

Barkley said he has hired legal aide and plans to sue the police. “I am not going to sit back and let them do me how they did Bonds. I am one of the NBA’s top 50. If OJ can buy his way out of murder, I can easily buy my way out of this DUI charge. I won’t let bigots frame this innocent black man.”

Lions hire new coach - Promises 2 and 14 season

Jim Schwartz is very excited at his new job coaching the Detroit Lions. “I know I have a lot to prove. The Lions were winless last season,” stated Schwartz today. “But I have big plans for next year’s team. We can easily win 2 games and once again be a household name.”

Many Lions fans are not happy with the hire. Gary Moore of Lansing thinks the hire sucks. “Are you kidding me? Who the hell is Jim Schwartz? Isn’t he like a stock-broker or something? I’d rather have my balls in a vice than watch a Lions’ football game. Thank goodness we have hockey in Detroit.”

Running back Kevin Smith was also disappointed with the new hire. “I didn’t work hard all through high school and college to play for a bull **** team. To be honest, I’d rather kick it with Richard Simmons than to play here. Hopefully I will be lucky and get killed during the preseason by a carjacker so I won’t have to bear another painful season here in Detroit.”

Schwartz added, “We have a lot to prove. Last season was 0 and 16. We can easily lose another 7 or 8 in a row. I believe that too, would be a record. A record is a record. The fans here in Detroit should be proud that their team is a part of history. Most fans live a lifetime and never once get to experience history in the making.”